Art Therapy

Greetings to all,

As most of you know, I am trying to manage a brain disorder. (If you didn't know, I guess I am coming out of the closet!) Yesterday, I went to a KIFA (Kent Island Federation of Art) meeting. The members there were very nice, and it was a pleasant time.

I knew that there would be a demo at the KIFA meeting. What I didn't know was that we could participate by painting a vase of flowers on this wild, Yupo paper with watercolors. As I followed some preliminary instructions, I dabbed my brush into the juicy watercolor, and started to paint. Within a few minutes, it seemed like art therapy I had in a few of my hospitalizations. I giggled to myself as I played with abandon.

Distraction and keeping busy are powerful tools when managing a brain disorder. By distracting myself, and keeping busy, I am able to push the uncomfortable symptoms to the background, often forgetting about how bad I feel for a while. Movies are also great distractions. With the big screen, it is almost guaranteed that you will have a few hours of peace.

While my art effort at the meeting will not win any awards, I saved it as a reminder of the power of distraction and play in coping with bipolar disorder. Whenever I feel unable to cope, I need to find some busy play, to distract myself. While this cognitive therapy is not always easy, it is effective.

I also learned that my current artist block is penetrable. All I need to do is play, experiment, and have some fun, as well as be patient - for this too, shall pass.

Artfully yours,

Cathy Harville

PS - The attached jpeg is "Cooling Off", 8"X10" pastel by yours truly. (I didn't wan't to post the yupo flower picture just yet - the vase is a little cockeyed, and needs a bit of attention.)

Knowing When to Stop and Start

From my personal experience, being an artist is all about starting and stopping. The creative urge is rather unpredictable. For months, I can be on a creative rampage, with long, non-stop sessions of painting and creating. Then, it is as if a famine strikes, or a drought. I sit down, and 15 minutes later, it is time to stop.

I have been going through a blocked period for about two months now. At first, it was scary, as I questioned whether I would be able to complete another painting. Evidence shows that yes, I have finished several paintings, even during this "dry" spell, although not as many as I had several months ago.

Later, it just became annoying, to sit down, and with the concentration of a fruit fly, try to complete any portion of a painting. I was learning that it is important to know when to stop. Creatvity cannot be forced. I read recently that Leonardo DaVinci often just sat for hours, just thinking and reflecting. (It used to drive his patrons crazy.) Picasso went through a period of changing mediums daily, and even made prints of fishbones left from dinner.

I learned that every artist goes through changes in creativeness, and, while frightening, it is a natural process. Lately, I feel like I have painted every reference photo I have. While this is not true, it feels true, at the time. But one look in my reference photo drawer shows me otherwise!

I have learned that being an artist is not a 9-5 proposition. We are not trained dolphins that can create on demand. There has to be passion present, and a strong desire to create. And all of this has to be in time with my inner muse, who, some days it seems, doesn't want to paint anything.

And that is okay. Being a full time artist doesn't mean painting full time. It just means spending your time "being" an artist. I am an artist when I make greeting cards, take a nap, or go kayaking. I am an artist all the time, no matter what I happen to be doing at a given moment.

So as I struggle with this block, I am mindful to be kind to myself, and realize that even the great Leonardo DaVinci has times of creative despair. It is hard to believe, but on his deathbed, DaVinci lamented over unfinished projects. I expect that I shall do the same!

Artfully yours,

Cathy Harville

Creative Famines

I am going through some changes to my meds, which is causing a "creative famine". Actually, I have no trouble with planning the creative process, just in the execution.

My mind and body are not cooperating - I am wired and tired, and my focus is almost non-existent. I think I know why, but it is scary to think that a drug can have so much effect on one's productivity.

The reason I am changing meds, is because of side effects - body jerking at night before I get to sleep. While not dangerous, the body jerks make it impossible to get to sleep. Over time, there is the possibility that they will become permanent.

All of this is contributing to a lack of concentration for almost any activity. I can do laundry, but that is about it! Painting has become difficult, since without concentration, I cannot stick working on a painting. Even typing this is difficult!

Mental disorders are complicated. And treatment of them is equally complicated. To all of you out there experiencing a mental disorder, my heart goes out to you. I hope you have a good doctor. Hang in there. Science is slowly, but surely, getting some answers to these puzzles.

Artfully yours,

Cathy

Discipline

Being an artist, discipline is not one of my stronger suits. While I can be disciplined to finish a painting, I am less disciplined with daily activities.

One area I am going to try to improve upon is posting blogs! It doesn't matter if I don't have a lot to say, but I realize that posting is the backbone of the blog. So, I will try to use my early morning hours to post more blogs more frequently.

Discipline is a learned skill, and one must practice it to get better at it. So, for the next several weeks, I will strive to be more disciplined, and post regularly. And, if my audience wants, they can keep me on track!

An update - I have been rather manic for the past several weeks, and typing has been difficult. Between my doctor and myself, we seem to have gotten the beast under control. What a relief! The mania was not the happy kind. It was like an internal restlessness, and sleep was hard to come by.

I am not using the mania as an excuse, although my typing time was restricted to essential tasks. As I type this, I am still struggling with the hand to eye coordination. I just need to discipline myself, and power through the problems in life.

As we embark on a new week, I challenge everyone to think of an area in their lives that could use more discipline. Perhaps you are already disciplined enough in daily life to be productive and successful. But if not, here is your opportunity to learn a new skill, and get more out of life.

Namaste,

Cathy

Every Year

Every year, the holidays roll around, and it always seems to surprise us! The few weeks of the holiday season promise fun, frustration, laughter, anxiety, tears, and joy. No other time of year affects us like the holidays.

This year, I feel like a scrooge. Since diabetes runs in my family, I am skipping cookie baking. The lousy economy has left us with little to splurge on decorations. A basement flood has molded what decorations we did have. It just seems that putting up lights and trees for a few weeks is just too much trouble.

All of this baa-humbug has allowed me more time for the more important aspects of the holidays - celebrating with those friends that have supported us through thick and thin all year, reconnecting with family, and enjoying seeing the deer forage during an early snowfall.

I like to take stock of the meaning of things every so often. It is the little things that make the holidays shine. My mom made us a boxwood Christmas tree, since she knew we wouldn't be putting a tree up this year. (Lucy, our dog, discovered it, so it is a bit off balance now!)

And, I am allowing myself more time to paint. In previous years, every minute leading up to Dec. 25th was spent shopping and wrapping, and fretting over what we have bought for our family and friends. This year, simple art gifts and books, and even cash for the kids, has replaced the hours of shopping and waiting in line behind impatient customers.

So going into this holiday season, I feel a renewed strength, and a peacefulness that has eluded me in previous years. I hope that you also find peace during this frenetic season. If you are the anxious type, remember - it will only last a few weeks!

Artfully yours,

Cathy Harville

www.harvilleart.com

mysilpada.com/cathy.harville

cathy.harville@gmail.com

Yoga and Art

In tonight's yoga class, we focused on introspection. It was interesting how hard it is to not think about things outside of yourself. But as I continued breathing and softening, images came forth that I wish I could create on canvas - images of light, and my soul reaching to the light; images of peace, and my heart outstretched to the peace.

For the first time in a while, I felt completely relaxed, whole, and renewed. Yoga is a practice. And as we continue to practice, we receive more benefit from that practice.

Art is similar - the more we practice, the more we receive from making art. It is not just about getting "better". It is about becoming more aware, more in tune with what our art is. Practice allows meditation to take place while we are doing familiar techniques or strokes. Practice allows us to get lost in the art, to get into the zone of just being and making art.

Yesterday, a private from the Army at Ft. Meade came into my studio to practice photography. This 19 year old was destined to be a combat photographer. As she moved about the studio, I painted, and painted and painted. for a short time, I forgot she was there. Out of the quiet came a question, and I realized that I had been in that special place, totally absorbed in my work. She had taken over 100 photographs while I was in art-land!

So much more could be accomplished if we could just be in the moment, and not judge, and accept what is. Allowing ourselves to just be present is a gift many people rarely give themselves. Yet, our beings need to just "be". Relaxing our mind, our bodies, and our hearts gets us in touch with our soul's needs.

I finished the painting I was working on that day. The simple sand dunes and grasses in the late afternoon sun gave me a sense of renewal. I hope the painting has the same effect on you.

Artfully yours,

Cathy

Rain, rain, go away....

Remember the little rhyme we used to say as kids? "Rain, rain, go away, come again some other day".  

We have had 19 million days of continuous rain, sometimes accompanied by falling trees, wind damage, and lightning zaps. While everything is green, I think even the plants want to see the sun.

All this rain makes for achy joints, depressed moods, and cabin fever. And lots of jokes - about arks, webbed feet, and people mildewing. Even our boat was full of water - the poor bilge pumps just couldn't handle it anymore, and blew a fuse.

Since we have been indoors for so long, I am working from photos of a year ago, when we actually saw the sun. I find that people in my studio just love to look at the sunny skies, and sunsets, and blue skies. I am starting to run out of photos!

I have a 24X36 painting that is near completion. It is called "After the Rain". I cannot finish it, because I need to see the world after the rain. 

Okay, perhaps I have employed a bit of exaggeration. It really hasn't been 19 million days. But I know it has been at least enough to alter the sanity of really stable and intelligent people. Come August, we will probably have our usual late summer drought. And as our grass dies (which, by the way, has to be cut constantly), I don't think I will be complaining. Perhaps that is the lesson.

Stay dry,

cathy

Major Life Events

greetings everyone,

I subscribe to Robert Genn's Painter's Keys. He recently had an interesting quote:

PS: "Major life events can paralyze your creativity. If you uncover what's going on behind the 'big picture,' though, you can bring yourself back into being in the moment and loving your life." (Guillermo Cuellar)

I agree with Robert, and with Cuellar - major life events, even good ones, can greatly affect creativity.

When I read this quote, I must say I felt a bit relieved. Over the past two months, I have had my share of illnesses, and I am still a bit under the weather with a sinus infection that won't let go. And during this time, my creativity has suffered. On the flip side, I have had more time to think, and let ideas percolate.

My husband and I went to the Florida Keys this past week. I wasn't sure I even wanted to go, but I am glad I did. One of the highlights of the trip was having a first encounter with Key deer. These miniature deer are only 26-32 inches tall, and they only live on a few of the Keys. Naturalists think that these deer were separated from the mainland deer during the last ice age, about 12-13,000 years ago. Their small size matches the land area and vegetative growth they need to survive. As an endangered species, the deer have developed a fondness for people. Although it is illegal to feed them, many of the locals do give them bits of vegetables and fruit. And instead of being nocturnal, they are on the same time schedule as humans.

Our first encounter was with three deer. They all licked my fingers. My husband spent several minutes scratching the ears and face of a small male. After they realized we had no people food to give them, they went about their business. We went into the refuge, and around every curve, we saw deer, eating and laying down, soaking up the winter sun. None of them seemed to fear us.

The Keys are mostly an unspoiled landscape (except for Key West, which is a real tourist trap). I took a few hundred pictures of the clear water, the mangrove trees, and coconut and palm trees. Presently, I am working on a series of palm frond paintings. The light on the fronds was beautiful, and I hope I can do them justice.

Back to major life events - even though I was not feeling well most of the trip, the experience was unforgettable and nourishing. For a little while, I forgot all of my petty problems, and experienced the harmony and healing beauty of nature. I really didn't want to come home.

It snowed this week. Another beautiful gift - the whiteness of the snow provides a tremendous amount of reflected sunlight - just what we all need in the dead of winter - lots of light!

As I continue in this New Year, I can feel a major shift in my thinking, and I am learning to channel negative events into my right hemisphere, and find the positive message. I think that is a good way to approach the winter cold and darkness - to find the light and warmth.

paint yourself a great day,

Cathy

Coloring and Kids

This past weekend at the Mill, I had a coloring "contest" for kids to benefit the Chesapeake Bay Foundation. Only eight children participated, so I decided they were all winners, and made them all magnets from their colored fish. I only received three dollars in donations for the Bay, but the day was a success. Just watching the kids sucking on candy canes, and intently coloring was such a relief from the automated, technological nightmare we call modern life.

Every child took the task quite seriously. Colors were carefully chosen, and no one went out of the lines. One little girl even added cute squiggles and designs on her fish. One little girl wanted to color two different fish. A two year old carefully put the crayons away after she "finished". Such good manners!

And all of the parents patiently waited for their children to finish. Despite bad backs, schedules, and hunger, none of the children were rushed.

I hung all of their creations outside my studio. The ear-to-ear grins were priceless. As I made the magnets today, I wished I could see the look on their faces when each child received the package mailed to them. No propaganda (except a phone number), no sales pitch - just their artwork.

Children give me the feeling that the world is worth protecting, and life is worth living. Even on my darkest days, a child's smile, or chocolate smeared face cheers me up more than anything.

Cheers to kids,
Cathy

Getting Things Done....or not

I have two receptions coming up in a few weeks, to introduce my friends and clients to my new studio space. And while I have new work, the reality of operating a studio, shop, a home, taking care of a puppy, making prints and cards, and the sheer fact that a million things always need to be done, and everything is happening at once, means that very little "making art" is getting done.

Or is it? I mentioned last time about filling my well. Now my well runneth over. I am realizing that there will never be enough cards made, that clients can order prints, that I don't have to sweep the floor every time leaves are tracked in, and I don't have to cook all that much. But, I need to paint before I lose my mind!

While I can search for creative ways to do the laundry, the fact remains that I must paint to stay sane. Brushes full of paint seem to have a magical healing power, and the very act of making strokes on the paper, canvas, or anything seems to calm my frazzled nerves. It is an addiction. I can go several days after creating something, but then I start to lose it. Tonight will be a painting night. The puppy is exhausted from walking, digging, getting a bath, training, playing, and acting like a little terrorist. Once the laundry comes out of the drier, it is my time.

Must be boring reading this. Just ordinary stuff. Life is pretty much ordinary stuff. That is a good thing. I think it is important to find meaning in the ordinary stuff. Then, when really extraordinary things happen to us, we don't expect them, and they mean a lot more. So, in the course of an ordinary day, I make time to find meaning in all the little occurrences. After all, every load of laundry is different - I am always amused by what I find that comes out of the pockets! Peace and cheers, keep the faith.

The Time Has Come

I have come to realize that perhaps I am not good at keeping a daily blog, or even weekly for that matter. But since I enjoy it, I will continue. This forum gives me the opportunity to bare my soul, and share my innermost thoughts with total strangers.

Doesn't sound like a good deal? Maybe it is. Only through self-expression can we move forward. My art is a great vehicle for expressing my ideas and feelings, but the written word will continue to have tremendous power in our lives.

So here's the deal...it is time to talk about a rather "fringe" topic in society - that of mental health. I can envision readers rolling their eyes, getting uncomfortable, maybe even thinking, "here is just another wacko". But bear with me for a few sentences, and consider the impact that mental health has on our society. Stress is a mental health issue, and is the leading cause of workplace absenteeism in our society. We are bombarded with new technology on a daily basis, and expected to learn new skills which even 10 years ago did not exist. Our children are glued to screens instead of books, and texting instead of talking.

In the midst of all this, there is an alarming epidemic of humans who have mental health issues. Maybe you do. I certainly do. I struggle with a brain chemical disorder on a daily basis. My health plan treats my illness like it is not quite legitimate, making the task of seeking help very difficult, and inevitably, quite costly.

We are often frightened by what we do not understand. But unlike a new remote, or fancy cell phone that we can ignore, the problem of mental health cannot be shoved aside. Mental health problems are a silent epidemic that are only noticed when someone with a mental health problem is messing up - breaking the law, behaving in unusual ways, or drawing attention to themselves.

Most of us with brain illnesses are able to navigate through society quietly, using tools we have learned to survive, or even thrive in our complicated world. Some are not so fortunate. I am quite fortunate - I have a support system, good physicians, and I am able to make art. On the downside, I cannot keep a rigid, demanding schedule, or be superwoman anymore. Despite my health issues, I can still contribute to society and my family. Art has given me that opportunity.

If you are still reading this, you are either crazy like me, and understand, or are perhaps curious...or enjoying the voyeurism that blogging provides. It doesn't matter to me. What matters is that somewhere out there, someone read the message that they are not alone. Or someone out there learned a little bit about mental health.

Perhaps you won't come back. That is okay. I still plan to write when I am able, talking about boats, art, and common struggles. In fact, over the past few weeks, stories are piling up! That is okay, too. Just the fact that I am out on the boat, or making art is a healthy thing. When the time comes to sit in front of this screen, I will be back. I still want to talk about pea soup fog, and pricing art work. But not today.

Peace and prosperity,
Cathy