Creative Famines

I am going through some changes to my meds, which is causing a "creative famine". Actually, I have no trouble with planning the creative process, just in the execution.

My mind and body are not cooperating - I am wired and tired, and my focus is almost non-existent. I think I know why, but it is scary to think that a drug can have so much effect on one's productivity.

The reason I am changing meds, is because of side effects - body jerking at night before I get to sleep. While not dangerous, the body jerks make it impossible to get to sleep. Over time, there is the possibility that they will become permanent.

All of this is contributing to a lack of concentration for almost any activity. I can do laundry, but that is about it! Painting has become difficult, since without concentration, I cannot stick working on a painting. Even typing this is difficult!

Mental disorders are complicated. And treatment of them is equally complicated. To all of you out there experiencing a mental disorder, my heart goes out to you. I hope you have a good doctor. Hang in there. Science is slowly, but surely, getting some answers to these puzzles.

Artfully yours,

Cathy

Potholes

After the major snows we had this winter, the roads are full of potholes. It is to be expected, but, nonetheless, they are annoying. It takes a while for crews to fix them, but the road is just never the same again.

Life is full of potholes - all the challenges, irritations, and burdens that come in all shapes and sizes. This past week, I fell into a major pothole. I had a relapse from bipolar disorder, and landed in the hospital. Now grateful to be home, I find myself reflecting on how to fix that pothole - how to better manage my life with this illness.

First, I want to thank everyone that "came to the rescue" as I am struggling with my latest pothole. It is so much appreciated.

Second, I realized that some things had to change in my life. With any mental illness, ordinary, daily issues can turn into huge monsters. Now, instead of panicking, I can step back and figure out what needs adjusting. I am becoming more assertive, and honest, and I am asking for help.

This relapse also made me realize that we live life in the present - not the past or future. By focusing on the present, life gets easier.

I want to thank everyone who provides support and love for me, not only during times of struggle, but also all year long. Sometimes it takes a village to fix a pothole.

On the mend,

Cathy

The Time Has Come

I have come to realize that perhaps I am not good at keeping a daily blog, or even weekly for that matter. But since I enjoy it, I will continue. This forum gives me the opportunity to bare my soul, and share my innermost thoughts with total strangers.

Doesn't sound like a good deal? Maybe it is. Only through self-expression can we move forward. My art is a great vehicle for expressing my ideas and feelings, but the written word will continue to have tremendous power in our lives.

So here's the deal...it is time to talk about a rather "fringe" topic in society - that of mental health. I can envision readers rolling their eyes, getting uncomfortable, maybe even thinking, "here is just another wacko". But bear with me for a few sentences, and consider the impact that mental health has on our society. Stress is a mental health issue, and is the leading cause of workplace absenteeism in our society. We are bombarded with new technology on a daily basis, and expected to learn new skills which even 10 years ago did not exist. Our children are glued to screens instead of books, and texting instead of talking.

In the midst of all this, there is an alarming epidemic of humans who have mental health issues. Maybe you do. I certainly do. I struggle with a brain chemical disorder on a daily basis. My health plan treats my illness like it is not quite legitimate, making the task of seeking help very difficult, and inevitably, quite costly.

We are often frightened by what we do not understand. But unlike a new remote, or fancy cell phone that we can ignore, the problem of mental health cannot be shoved aside. Mental health problems are a silent epidemic that are only noticed when someone with a mental health problem is messing up - breaking the law, behaving in unusual ways, or drawing attention to themselves.

Most of us with brain illnesses are able to navigate through society quietly, using tools we have learned to survive, or even thrive in our complicated world. Some are not so fortunate. I am quite fortunate - I have a support system, good physicians, and I am able to make art. On the downside, I cannot keep a rigid, demanding schedule, or be superwoman anymore. Despite my health issues, I can still contribute to society and my family. Art has given me that opportunity.

If you are still reading this, you are either crazy like me, and understand, or are perhaps curious...or enjoying the voyeurism that blogging provides. It doesn't matter to me. What matters is that somewhere out there, someone read the message that they are not alone. Or someone out there learned a little bit about mental health.

Perhaps you won't come back. That is okay. I still plan to write when I am able, talking about boats, art, and common struggles. In fact, over the past few weeks, stories are piling up! That is okay, too. Just the fact that I am out on the boat, or making art is a healthy thing. When the time comes to sit in front of this screen, I will be back. I still want to talk about pea soup fog, and pricing art work. But not today.

Peace and prosperity,
Cathy