Inevitable Angst

We are helping our daughter to buy a house. Buying a house, however humble, is an outregeous experience. We have a fabulous buyer agent, who is unphased by the peculiar, annoying process of contract ratification.

This process is not for the faint of heart. My daughter, usually a bubbly, cheerful sort of young lady, has been reduced to a hand-wringing, withdrawn mess. As a mom, I am at a loss. My husband seems to operate on a different time/space continuum, and can usually get through to her. So they went out, and I left with my thoughts.

Angst such as this, I have discovered, is a destroyer of my creativity. Watching my daughter suffer through this mess of paperwork leaves me helpless, and the only images I can conjure up are not things I would want to paint. I can only think of life lessons, and sayings, and consolations.

So my half finished "critter path" sits idly as I try to figure out how to pick up a brush, and begin again. It occurs to me that I can pick up the brush. To create, one must ignore the obstacles - like angst- unless, of course, angst is the emotion you are looking for. I look for peace. And it occurs to me that, especially in these times, we must create our own peace.

So in this alone time, I can begin again, and let her dad worry about the angst. For now, I can make my own peace. At least for a few hours!

I hope whoever reads this, can also make their own peace, in the midst of a confusing and whirling dervish of a world. Like my brush, I hope you can find your door to peace.

Cathy

I Guess I am Famous!

I had an unwanted experience today, when I went to my studio at the Mill. I knew it would eventually happen, but I was hoping not today.

One of my framed prints was missing from the hallway wall. I looked for a note, I checked my messages, but it wasn't long before I realized that it had been stolen. At least the thief left the hooks and price tag. They must of had picture hooks at home, and it was obvious they didn't need the price tag.

It is a common practice to display one's art in the hallway at the Mill, and one of the charming features about the Mill. Everywhere you wander, you are met with an eclectic mix of eye candy. Around one corner may be colorful abstract pieces, and down the hall, several portraits of big-eyed children melt your heart.

I did all the necessary stuff - called security, called the police, got a case number, made sure nothing else was missing, and told all my neighbors. It took a lot of time. And I don't like to waste time, because time is all we have. And I know whoever took it will never be found, and it will not turn up anywhere - if it happens to turn up in the trash heap, then I might be a bit upset.

I figured that I must be famous at last. Why would someone steal a print (the original has been sold), unless they thought it had enormous value? That thought, of course, made me muse a bit, but it was most likely a patron of a nearby bar that had way too many beers, and was amused by the long shadows in the print, entitled, "Stretched Thin".

Anyway, for all of you out there, I have included a picture of the missing print. If you see it on a wall, it would be fun to ask the person where they got it. (I have sold a few!) The good news is, I can make more! The bad news is, that it was in a really nice frame.

So, for the time being, I am going to enjoy my fame. But to be safe, I put a few of the more expensive paintings in my studio - I don't want to be too famous!

Peace,
Cathy

The Sky is Falling

I have this idea for a painting I am working on. I was walking Lucy, and was suddenly taken aback by the beauty of the dark gray sky on the horizon, contrasting with the bright fall color. It looked as though the sky was falling.

In today's world, there are a lot of people that think the sky is falling. For some unfortunate souls, I am sure it is. Sometimes I feel like the sky is falling. But then, magically, I get a phone call or e-mail, and it makes everything better.

If you are given only lemons, and make lemonade, I think one can survive in today's world. So while the sky may be falling, there is a lot of beauty around us to contrast with the gray and bleak atmosphere. When the sky is gray, everything else looks great, by comparison.

When I finish this painting, "Falling Sky" (I like the pun with the Fall season), I will post it. Perhaps it will help someone see that good things are still all around us, despite the ailing economy, the costly wars, and the increasing price of everything we need to survive. I am reminded of my family and friends, and their unconditional love.

May you be surrounded by many hugs and smiles!
Cathy

making peace with Life

Lately, I have not been doing too well. I have death wishes, and need large quantities of sugar and chocolate to make it through the day.

I also need someone with me, to get me out of my head. During an extreme episode like this, being by myself is a disaster. Now I understand how solitary confinement breaks people down.

Everything is a challenge, from composing and printing a simple letter, to doing the laundry. In the midst of all this, I allow myself the "luxury" to paint whatever comes out - lousy, good, bad, hideous - it does not matter.

I pretend that I am in Cathy's Day program. I do silly non-productive, but mildly productive things. It really helps.

The brownies are out of the oven, courtey of my daughter. Their smell alone brings enormous comfort, and the hope that tomorrow will be better.

And it will be. I can sleep on that belief.

Peace,
Cathy

Computers and sanity

Just recently, my computer and wireless router were taken out in a wind storm. The wireless router was not a big deal. Getting a new computer, on the other hand, has been a maze of nightmarish challenges.

So, I am up and running, and despite backing-up my files, I am missing some of my artwork. As I download from the remote website (I have lost count of how many times), I relaize I have inadvertently created limited edition prints and cards. With all my pastels and acrylics missing, aka most of my work, what is already printed out is all there is.

Maybe this is a good thing. Another fresh start. Another new beginning. As I yield to the sorry fact that I may never be able to recover those files, I realize that perhaps this is a good thing - I am being propelled forward, not able to look back. For me, this is a good thing. I tend to get comfortable with what is. Now I have a chance to get comfortable with what may be.

I bought an external hard drive, so I don't have to go through this again. Once is enough!

Peace,
Cathy

Autumn and Older

Okay. "I am the worst blogger on the planet".

There, now let's move on. It's autumn. It's rainy, and it's cold. It seems to happen every year. But this year, it seems different. I am 50 years old. I get the AARP magazine. I take vitamins for 50+. I am going through menopause. I am officially all gray.

But wow, life seems so fresh and new. I realize I don't have to impress anyone. I don't have to settle for bad service. I know who my friends are. I like my fingernails naked.

And the colors of fall seem more amazing, magical. Everything does. My puppy is getting big girl teeth. It is like magic. Life seems to be one, big, magical mystery.

No, I am not stoned, I am stone sober. But happy. Happy that I have a lot of experience to pull me through the inevitable irritations of life. Happy that I have seen so much change in the world. Amazed, in fact. But also saddened that so many things haven't changed.

My paintings are entering a new phase. I don't know what it is, but I'll get back to you when I figure it out.

And I will try to make it soon.

Peace,
Cathy

Getting Things Done....or not

I have two receptions coming up in a few weeks, to introduce my friends and clients to my new studio space. And while I have new work, the reality of operating a studio, shop, a home, taking care of a puppy, making prints and cards, and the sheer fact that a million things always need to be done, and everything is happening at once, means that very little "making art" is getting done.

Or is it? I mentioned last time about filling my well. Now my well runneth over. I am realizing that there will never be enough cards made, that clients can order prints, that I don't have to sweep the floor every time leaves are tracked in, and I don't have to cook all that much. But, I need to paint before I lose my mind!

While I can search for creative ways to do the laundry, the fact remains that I must paint to stay sane. Brushes full of paint seem to have a magical healing power, and the very act of making strokes on the paper, canvas, or anything seems to calm my frazzled nerves. It is an addiction. I can go several days after creating something, but then I start to lose it. Tonight will be a painting night. The puppy is exhausted from walking, digging, getting a bath, training, playing, and acting like a little terrorist. Once the laundry comes out of the drier, it is my time.

Must be boring reading this. Just ordinary stuff. Life is pretty much ordinary stuff. That is a good thing. I think it is important to find meaning in the ordinary stuff. Then, when really extraordinary things happen to us, we don't expect them, and they mean a lot more. So, in the course of an ordinary day, I make time to find meaning in all the little occurrences. After all, every load of laundry is different - I am always amused by what I find that comes out of the pockets! Peace and cheers, keep the faith.